‘Pider-Mang 3

I saw Spider-Man 3 over the weekend and it was good.

That’s it.

Actually, I think I might want to say more.

It was good, but I wouldn’t call it the best of the three. It’s pretty much on the same level. Which is good, because at least it’s not worse than the other two.

What?

Kind of like Eminem’s first three albums. They are all good, but it’s hard to compare because by the third he grew as an artist so much that it was kind of a completely different album.

Anyway… things I liked about Spider-Man 3:

*The fact that it was Spider-Man 3
*The fact that it was 2 hours and 30 minutes long.
*Venom (Side note: I think of all the supervillians I would not want to find in my bedroom lurking in a corner late at night, Venom is on the top of that list. He’s fucking creepy. I think it’s the insanely muscular body and little-ass alien head.)
*Sam Raimi, Toby Maguire and Kirsten Dunst
*Thomas Hayden Church is a good actor and I had not heard of him before this. Although in some parts he looked like Jim Varney. I wanted him to turn to the camera and say “Knowwhadimean, Vern?”
*Bryce Dallas Howard?
*Spider-Man kickin ass.

My concern about the movie is that, somehow, it managed to have TOO MUCH going on so that I felt that it dragged on in some parts, even though it was rushing through. How is that even possible? Although the more I think about it, that’s kind of the way I feel when reading comic books.

I kind of felt like the whole Sandman story could have been a movie all by itself. There’s so much story there they could even theoretically do it without Spider-Man.

[spoilers from this point on]

There was so much going on that a lot of the scenes were rushed. The Sandman character wanders into a nuclear test site (somehow in the middle of the city) and gets the sand fused with his molecules, and… that’s it. No explanation as to what the hell was being tested, and why the scientists didn’t decide to try and track down whoever it was that sumbled into their test zone. Must happen all the time. “Oops… I think we created another supervillian, here, guys. Maybe we should reinforce the fence surrounding the nuclear test site.”

And the Venom symbiont just fell from the sky. It just felt kind of silly. MJ and Peter Parker are chilling on his web, looking at the stars, a meteor crashes, and the little alien thing clings to his bike and then that’s how shit hits the fan. I mean, I know, what else could it have done? I’m not sure what I was expecting but it just seemed like, “Okay, that’s cool, but I want to see more Sandman. HOLD ON A FUCKIN SECOND VENOM!”

I kind of felt like I spoiled the movie for myself because a lot of it is really similar. I read up on the stories in the Spider-Man comics before I went to see it, and But, it turns out that wasn’t really true. Gwen Stacy doesn’t die like I had thought. I thought that the Green Goblin would take her to the bridge after he ‘remembered’ what happened like the Green Goblin did in the comics. Then he would drop Gwen Stacey and Spider-Man would try to save her but she’d already be dead.BUT, the twisty thing was that the Green Goblin ended up saving the day, which I thought was GR-8. I like friendship and loyalty and shit like that. Except if all it took was the butler to say, “oh, yeah, B-T-Dubya, Spider-Man didn’t kill your dad,” why the hell didn’t he say that sooner?

Anyway, that’s it, mainly because I don’ t feel like typing anymore. Sorry for the suck-ass review!

AWKWARD CONVERSATIONS INVOLVING SUPERHEROES

Part 1: SPIDER-MAN

Mary-Jane: So, Pete, I have a question.
Peter: Yes, Mary Jane? You’re so sweet and I love you.
Mary-Jane: Gee, thanks Pete. I was wondering, though… about your… webbing.
Peter: My webbing? What about it MJ?
Mary-Jane: How does it…? I mean, does it just shoot out of your skin?
Peter: [holds up his wrists] You never looked?
Mary-Jane: [squeemish] Actually, no.
Peter: Well, when I press my two finges into my palm, this little flap on my wrist opens up and it just comes out. [demonstrates]
Mary-Jane: Oh. I’ve never looked at it that closely before. Why is your wrist wet?
Peter: Oh, that’s just the after-effects. I’m not really sure what it is. [smells it] Some kind of lubricant, probably.
Mary-Jane: So… your body just makes that stuff?
Peter: Yeah. I have to eat like crazy, otherwise I’ll run out and get tired.
Mary-Jane: I always just thought it was some kind of artificial fabric or something.
Peter: Nope. That shit’s all natural. It feels SOOOO good when it comes out.
Mary-Jane: [gulps] Peter I have nightmares that I’ll give birth to baby spiders.