“Now A Major Motion Picture!”

I hate, hate, hate, hate, hate books that have the phrase “Now A Major Motion Picture!” plastered across the cover. What’s worse is when the original cover is completely redone to show the beautiful face of the lead actor.

It’s the equivalent of defacing the book to me. I could take a pair of scissors and cut out the offending slogan and I’d be happier with the quality of the cover. Ripping the cover off all together and replacing it with a piece of white cardboard with a big black X would be better.

Why do I hate it so much?

Three reasons.

First, it’s a slogan right out of the 30s. I’m not sure about you, but I’ve never asked my friends if they wanted to go see a picture this weekend. It’s a fucking movie.

“Ya wanna makea pictcha?!”

Second, what makes a picture major? I’ve never seen a book that said “Now A Minor Motion Picture.” If all movies are major, just say “Now a Motion Picture.” Or, “Now a Movie!” But I guess that’s not as catchy.

“Maja! It’s a maja motion pictcha, see!”

Third, I hate how it’s like the publisher is telling us “it’s okay, this book is good… see, somebody liked it enough to make it into a movie!”

Yes, sometimes I’ll read a book because it’s being made into a movie. Oftentimes I’ll try to track down the book ahead of time as soon as I hear the news so that my impression of it is not skewed by the movie (and in order to avoid the defacing of the cover). I did that with “The DaVinci Code,” and “I, Robot,” to name two.

I made the mistake of not being on top of my game for “I am Legend.” I ordered the book after I saw the movie, and in order to not end up with a cover like this…

…I had to dig. Eventually I found this cover, luckily still available:

So I ordered it. What did I get?

In case you can’t read that, it says,

“NOW A MAJOR MOTION PICTURE

STARRING WILL SMITH.”

I kind of feel like I need to justify my rage, here: unlike DVDs that are already becoming outdated and will one day be unusable, books are collectors items that maybe one day I’ll be able to pass on to my children, or if not my own children someone else who can get as much enjoyment out of them as I did. In 150 years, nobody’s going to know who Will Smith was. I want the book as it was originally meant to be seen.