Stephen King: Bag of Bones
One of my new years resolutions was to read books–lots of books–this year. The problem is, and I don’t know why this happens, if it’s a medical condition or what, I have a hard time remembering what I read months later. Even weeks later. I often wonder if this is something I should be worried about or if it’s something everybody goes through. When I hear people talk about how they can plow through two books I week I often wonder what would happen if I were to ask them in-depth details about the story’s plot… would they be able to answer?
I’m a slow reader because of that. I take my time and try to really understand the plot and why things happen the way they do. Even so, I often get caught off guard by questions asked about the book and that’s what worries me. So, as a way of trying to make that sort of thing not happen as much, I’m going to start blogging about all the books I read this year so I can look back and refresh my memory.
The first book on my list to be completed is Stephen King’s “Bag of Bones.” It’s slightly more than ten years old at this point, which is scary because I remember the media attention when it first came out. I was thirteen or fourteen at the time.
The plot is actually very simple, and is neatly explained in the last chapter in what I’m thinking is Stephen King’s signature send-off (I’ve only read 2 of his books so far, both from Crystal’s recommendations): a conversation between two people, one asking “so what happened?” and the other, the main character, answering all the questions.
(Since this book came out 10 years ago I think a spoiler’s ahead warning isn’t really necessary, but here it is nonetheless.) It’s the story of a writer named Mike Noonan who looses his wife in a weird traffic accident and can’t write anymore. Seeking escape, he goes to the lake house they own on Dark Score Lake, in an unincorporated village-like settlement called TR-90, in Maine. The name of the lake house is Sara Laughs, named after Sara Tidwell who was the lead singer of Sara and the Red Tops, a group of black singers who lived in TR-90 back in the day when racism was still the in thing. Sara was brutally raped and murdered by the forefathers of the town, leaving Sara’s spirit (and her remains… the literal bag of bones) haunting the lake house and influencing members of the community. Mike Noonan’s ultimate destiny at Sara Laughs is to write a story guided by the good-spirit of his dead wife, which gave him clues about how to break the curse and remove the bag of bones left behind by the evil-spirit of Sara.
Of course, there has to be something else besides just that to fill the 732 pages, and there certainly is! All of the blurbs at the beginning sum it up nicely: it’s King’s finest work, it’s King’s powerful imagination, it’s King at his clever, terrifying best, but most importantly, it’s King “proving he’s not only a mesmerizing storyteller, he’s one of the most moving as well.”
As he grieves his wife and struggles with his writing, he becomes involved in a younger woman’s life and her bitter custody battle between her little girl, Kyra Devore, and her nasty father-in-law, billionaire Max Devore. The woman, Mattie, stirs something up in Mike so much that Mike takes her struggle as his own, investing his time and money and allowing himself to fall in love again after his wife’s death.
There is tragedy about 3/4’s of the way through, though, when you think all is well and all will be happily ever after. And that’s when Stephen King is Stephen King and just as he has you by the balls he decides to twist them a bit and serve you a cold plate of flapjacks. (Just in case, you’ll need to highlight the following text with your mouse to read it, but): Yes, Mattie dies. But she doesn’t just die, she gets shot in the face. One of the most powerful scenes in the book was Mattie lying in Mike’s arms, struggling to call for her daughter, as he tried to hold her brain into her head. “I wish I’m able to tell you that I don’t remember exactly how that looked, but I do.”
I read this book in less than a month, which, at 732 pages, says quite a bit. It was a good way to start the non-stop, book-reading new year. Next up? Star Trek: Q & A (Q being the omnipotent god-like being from another dimension), but don’t expect to hear anything about that. I’m too embarrassed.
And why was Sara Laughing? Well, that’s just the kind of gal she is.
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“Now A Major Motion Picture!”
I hate, hate, hate, hate, hate books that have the phrase “Now A Major Motion Picture!” plastered across the cover. What’s worse is when the original cover is completely redone to show the beautiful face of the lead actor.
It’s the equivalent of defacing the book to me. I could take a pair of scissors and cut out the offending slogan and I’d be happier with the quality of the cover. Ripping the cover off all together and replacing it with a piece of white cardboard with a big black X would be better.
Why do I hate it so much?
Three reasons.
First, it’s a slogan right out of the 30s. I’m not sure about you, but I’ve never asked my friends if they wanted to go see a picture this weekend. It’s a fucking movie.
“Ya wanna makea pictcha?!”
Second, what makes a picture major? I’ve never seen a book that said “Now A Minor Motion Picture.” If all movies are major, just say “Now a Motion Picture.” Or, “Now a Movie!” But I guess that’s not as catchy.
“Maja! It’s a maja motion pictcha, see!”
Third, I hate how it’s like the publisher is telling us “it’s okay, this book is good… see, somebody liked it enough to make it into a movie!”
Yes, sometimes I’ll read a book because it’s being made into a movie. Oftentimes I’ll try to track down the book ahead of time as soon as I hear the news so that my impression of it is not skewed by the movie (and in order to avoid the defacing of the cover). I did that with “The DaVinci Code,” and “I, Robot,” to name two.
I made the mistake of not being on top of my game for “I am Legend.” I ordered the book after I saw the movie, and in order to not end up with a cover like this…
…I had to dig. Eventually I found this cover, luckily still available:
So I ordered it. What did I get?
In case you can’t read that, it says,
“NOW A MAJOR MOTION PICTURE
STARRING WILL SMITH.”
I kind of feel like I need to justify my rage, here: unlike DVDs that are already becoming outdated and will one day be unusable, books are collectors items that maybe one day I’ll be able to pass on to my children, or if not my own children someone else who can get as much enjoyment out of them as I did. In 150 years, nobody’s going to know who Will Smith was. I want the book as it was originally meant to be seen.
Wander, My Friends …
I want the song I have on my MySpace page to be played at my funeral.
English Translation:
Wander my friends, wander with me
Like the mist on the green mountain, moving eternally
Despite our weariness, we’ll follow the road
Over hills and valleys, to the end of the journey
Come on my friends and sing with me
Fill the night with joy and sport
Here’s to health and the friends who have gone from us
Like the mist of the green mountain, gone forever
Yeah, it’s from Battlestar Galactica, but shut up. Shit’s emotional. You have no idea (well maybe Tom, Logan, and Jeff do).
Speaking of emotional, I read The Notebook. I’ve been wanting to read it for a while but haven’t really felt the desire to spend money on it. I was more just curious as to what was so great about it, and I’ve never really read a “love novel” before so I figgerd what the hey. Coincidentally, I was at Logan & Rachel’s apartment and Rachel has all of Nicholas Sparks’ books so I took advantage of the opportunity.
I was surprised to find that I actually liked it–well, actually I really liked it. Given the amount of stuff that I cry about, it should come as no surprise that I cried at the end. The bad thing about this (besides you all making fun of me) is that it was at work. I was outside in the courtyard for lunch and had my sunglasses on, and I finished the book, sat there for a minute, and then got up to go across the street to get something to eat. I knew my eyes were red but because of my sunglasses I knew nobody would see.
My grandmother died with Alzheimer’s disease and I saw how hard it was on my mom (imagine someone you love just forgetting about you piece by piece, right in front of you) so that part got to me. Also, the idea of two people who have spent their entire lives together now living in separate rooms in a nursing facility being taken care of by people half their age kind of struck me as a sad way to go–especially when Noah struggles to walk to her room (after his stroke) and is almost stopped by the receptionist because “you can’t make visits after hours.” And then, when the “miracle” happens and you believe that love actually beat the disease… well, there you have it. Good writing.
In the beginning of the book he says “romantics will see this as a love story, and cynics will see this as a tragedy.” As much of a love story as it was, I felt that it was way more of a tragedy. So I guess I’m a cynic, but I already knew that, I guess. (Side note: at the heritage festival parade, the “Optimist Club” was marching. I said, “hey, the Optimist Club! It’s good to see them.” I still think that’s funny.)
Well g’night.
I see your true colors shining through, and that’s why I love you…
Company Man
A read an entire book over the weekend!
That rarely happens. Usually it takes me at least a few weeks to finish one, or, in the case of Steven King’s “The Cell,” I’m halfway through and have been reading it since January.
The way I found it only happens to me every now and then, but I wish it happened more. You go into a store to find something, then come out with something else you never heard of. That’s a big gamble–you either stop midway through because it’s terrible or it becomes your new favorite. The same thing happened in Blockbuster when I rented “Imaginary Heroes.” I thought: that’s a nice cover. Is that Sigourney Weaver and the guy from The Girl Next Door? Wait, Jeff Daniels is in it too? Why haven’t I heard of this?
Anyway, it’s called “Company.” It’s about a college graduate who gets a job at a company named Zephyr Holdings. The company’s mission statement is as follows:
leadership positions in its chosen markets,
forging profitable growth opportunities by
developing strong relationships between internal
and external business units and coordinating a
strategic, consolidated approach to achieve
maximum returns for its stakeholders.
You see, that’s FUNNY, because it makes no damn sense. And if you could see some of the departmental goals for where I work, they sound pretty much the same.
So, this employee realizes he has absolutely no idea what the company he works for actually does. When he asks, he finds that none of the other employees do either. So he goes on a journey to locate Senior Management and the CEO (who nobody has actually seen) in order to ask them what the company does.
[Not that you’d go out and read a book based on my recommendation, but in case you plan to: what follows will totally spoil the plot for you, so don’t read it.]
Eventually he gets so fed up with everything that he manages to break into the stairwell and walk up to the CEO’s office that is inaccessible by the elevator everyone uses. He opens the door to the CEO’s office and finds… that he’s on the roof.
He walks out onto the roof, barricading the stairwell door so security can’t topple him, and then finds another elevator. He enters this one, and it takes him to “level 13,” which is supposed to not exist. (There is a level 12 and 14, traditionally buildings have no level 13.)
Who greets him? A janitor he sees everyday. The janitor extends his hand and says, “Hi, I’m Daniel Klausmen, CEO. Welcome to Project Alpha.”
Turns out Zephyr is a fake corporation that Project Alpha orchestrated in order to study and develop new management techniques.
Well, the main character is morally driven, and the rest of the book is about how he has to live a double life as a Zephyr employee and an Alpha agent, and about how he ultimately does “the right thing” with the true knowledge of Zephyr.
You won’t want to read it now that I’ve spoiled the major plot twist (I didn’t see it coming), but if you do, you can borrow it from me. I’ve looked into the author’s other books and plan to get them soon. One is called “Syrup” and the other is called “Jennifer Government,” which takes place in a future where all people are required to take their employer’s name as their last name. For example, I would be Adam University. Katy would be Katy JCC.
Anyway, does anybody remember the shooting that took place at the Playstation 3 launch? Some guy was shot because of the shortage of PS3s? Here’s an excerpt from “Jennifer Government.” It takes place at Nike.
“What do you know about Nike Mercurys?”
Hack blinked. “They’re our latest product. I haven’t actually seen a pair, but… I heard they’re great.”
The Johns smiled. “We started selling Mercurys six months ago. You know how many pairs we’ve shifted since then?”
Hack shook his head. They cost thousands of dollars a pair, but that wouldn’t stop people from buying them. They were the hottest sneakers in the world. “A million?”
“Two hundred.”
“Two hundred million?”
“No, two hundred pairs.”
“John here,” the other John said, “pioneered the concept of marketing by refusing to sell any products. It drives the market insane.”
“And now it’s time to cash in. On Friday we’re gonna dump four hundred thousand pairs on the market at two and a half grand each.”
“Which, since they cost us—what was it?”
“Eighty-five.”
“Since they cost us eighty-five cents to manufacture, gives us a gross margin of around one billion dollars.” He looked at Vice-President John. “It’s a brilliant campaign.”
“It’s really just common sense,” John said. “But here’s the thing, Hack: if people realize every mall in the country’s got Mercurys, we’ll lose all that demand we’ve worked so hard to build up. Am I right?”
“Yeah.” Hack hoped he sounded confident. He didn’t really understand marketing.
“So you know what we’re going to do?”
He shook his head.
“We’re going to shoot them,” Vice-President John said. “We’re going to kill anyone who buys a pair.”
Silence. “What?” Hack said.
The other John said, “Well, not everyone, obviously. We figure we only have to plug… what did we decide? Five?”
“Ten,” Vice-President John said. “To be safe.”
“Right. We take out ten customers, make it look like ghetto kids, and we’ve got street cred coming out our asses. I bet we shift our inventory within 24 hours.”
What’s funny is that this was written in 1999.
Anyway, that’s it. Bye for now suckers.
Adam Goes to the Motor City Comic Con
I have a secret to tell. Today I played hooky from work for a number of reasons…
1.) I am exhausted.
2.) I have shit to do.
3.) The Motor City Comic Con is this weekend so… why not?
So today for a few hours I dorked myself up and drove to Novi to meet with fellow dorks. First, I got all dressed up…
…notice the unibow and the fact that I mysteriously am always carrying around comic books even though I wasn’t holding any when the picture was taken.
I have not been to many conventions before. I went to two in high school but those were strictly Star Trek conventions. I didn’t really understand much of what it was all about, and still don’t. But I remember it was cool to meet the people you watch on TV. Before that, I ran into some Klingons and Romulans at King’s Dominion in Virginia.
Yup, always a dork.
Anyway, I went for a couple of reasons. The first was because I wanted to complete my Supergirl collection (which may sound homosexual but they were written by one of my favorite authors), see what other deals they may have, and meet some of my favorite characters who were going to be there from Star Trek.
Lots of folks were there to sign autographs and take photos with the fans, but they charge $20 to do it! There must have been about 50 guests sitting at booths for meet and greats. Most of them I didn’t know and never heard of… comic book writers, inkers, etc. Even a porn star or two. But, I headed for three in particular.
This guy’s name is Domic Keating. He played Malcom Read on Star Trek: Enterprise. That look on his face pretty much sums up what he was like to meet in person. When I walked up to him and introduced myself and asked “do you mind if I get a picture with you?” his response was “Here’s the thing, mate, (he’s English) … I’ll do a photo with you if you buy a photo.” It sounds ruder here than it was. Anyway I got caught up in the moment and did it.
The autographed photo has less sentimental value than the photo I took (which was blurry because some old guy couldn’t hold the camera steady.) Like I said, I bought it for the other photo.
Next, and here’s honestly my main motivation for going… was Connor Trineer. I swear to god if I had a vagina, I would probably have not been able to do this, because my heart was already pounding so hard even though I have a penis. I am not homosexual but I was giggling like a school girl.
*swoons*
There you go ladies… how’d ya like to be the action in the middle of THAT?
Honestly what made me so nervous was because he seriously was the best character on Enterprise. And they killed his character off in the last episode in what was supposed to be some heroic act of self-sacrifice, but really ended up being some poorly written piece of crap. So… they resurrected his character in the Star Trek novels. Turns out what we saw on screen wasn’t him actually dying, but faking his own death to go undercover for a secret organization on a mission to save the universe. (What else?) I just finished reading the book and it did his character more justice than the show ever did. So, if I walked away with nothing else, I was determined to walk away with this…
He was the nicest guy I met there and actually asked me about the book. He looked at it when I gave it to him and said, “Wait… is this the one where they bring me back?” And I said, “Yup, they resurrected your character.” And he said, “I heard about this back home! Apparently I went on some undercover mission and had to fake my death. Is it any good?” And I said, “Uh-huh,” and he’s all like, “I’ll have to read it,” and I’m all like, “Yeah, it’s really good.” That’s it.
Throughout the whole thing I kept waiting for Johnathan Frakes to show up (he played “Number One” in Star Trek: The Next Generation.) It would have been cool to meet him but apparently he was all big-bad-celebrity and didn’t show up by the time I decided to leave. So instead I went up and gave my money to this guy…
…Robert Picardo, who played “The Doctor,” on Star Trek: Voyager. Of course no photo op is free so I had to purchase this photo for him to sign:
…which I didn’t mind at all because it’s such a great photo. It’s the cast of Star Trek: Voyager which was, like, a staple of my high school years. He’s the guy on the far left. When he was autographing the photo he said, “You know why I’m smiling in this photo, right, Adam? I made a dirty joke.” And me, not getting what was happening, said, “Huh?”, and he said something about “Roxanne” (the girl leaning against him) being real close to his cock and balls. He said the guy in the right of the picture (Ethan Phillips) was giving him a jealous look. Cooincidentally, Ethan Phillips was seated RIGHT FRIGGIN NEXT TO HIM, but by that point I had ran out of money and didn’t feel like approaching him because he was being wierd and shouting out random things.
Surprisingly there was not a line to meet any of these people and most of the time they appeared to just be sitting there.
I also got to shake hands and meet Fat Momma, Major Victory, and Feedback from the show Who Wants to Be a Superhero? that aired last summer. I met Seka the porn star (who I had not heard of), Peter Mayhew (Chewbocca from Star Wars), and got to shake hands with Grace Lee Whitney again. She was on the original series of Star Trek and I got a photo with her years and years ago (when I went to a convention in 8th grade), but the photo didn’t turn out. I would have gotten another photo but of course she was charging for them.
Back in 8th grade I don’t remember having to pay her for an autograph. Times must have changed.
I took advantage of a half-off sale and bought some other comics including Watchmen, The Walking Dead, and Origin (where Wolverine’s past is finally revealed.) I also talked one of the vendors into giving me the following with a little discount:
I’m sure I probably shouldn’t have taken them out of their packaging but oh well. They have more value to me prominently displayed than they do in a box. Of course, these are the main characters from Lost.
Anyway, it was a fun experience, if not expensive, and one that I’ll definately go to again next year, assuming they have some more awesome guests and give me more time to save my money.
What’s that you say? You thought I didn’t have any money and was broke to begin with? Well, you’d be right. So I’d like to put up one more photo…
…big thanks to DISCOVER, who made it all possible. I have $1.54 in my bank account now, but a credit card with a 0% APR that’s getting hungrier by the minute.
***Fin.
