The Phoenix Lights 2008

I’d be remiss in my… personality?… if I did not say something about the lights seen over Phoenix yesterday evening.

I did not know about them until this afternoon, while quickly grabbing a bite to eat at my work’s food court.  I caught a glimpse of a news report on the TV, with the text on the bottom of the screen:  “Mysterious Lights Appear Over Phoenix, Arizona.”  It was on CNN, under the banner “BREAKING NEWS!” so for an instant I thought it was actually legitimate breaking news and it was on all the channels just like in Signs.

I made in my pants.

Of course, it ended up not being on all the channels and the news reporters were laughing and making jokes, but for an instant I found out what my reaction would be if something like this really did happen.  The strange thing was that I felt no fear, which is ironic because I’m terrified of alien imagery.  But my inital reaction was just “yes, finally.”  It was telling, because even if they came to destroy us all, I knew the world would change and we’d finally have an answer to whether or not we’re alone in the universe.

The thing is, if aliens really did visit us, what are the chances it would happen EXACTLY like it does in the movies?  Or EXACTLY like it does in the urban legends?  That is to say, what are the chances that four mysterious lights would appear in the sky, followed by a bunch more strange lights appearing over other major cities?  It’s too sci-fi to actually happen that way.  Then again, maybe it’s part of sci-fi in our culture because it has happened that way, or we know in some deep down level of our psyche that it will someday happen that way.  We can’t be sure.

I’ll sound all conspiracy theorist-like by saying that maybe this was real, and the reason it’s not getting more coverage is because our government is covering it up.  I don’t believe that, but then again would not be surprised.  But why cover it up?  I have to believe if they came out and said, “yes, those are definitely aliens,” there would be mass panic, suicide, and then lawsuits.  More importantly, the American public would be unpredictable, and the economy might tank as people shut themselves away in their homes.

I’m sure the lights were really just prank flares or even weather related, and the rational part of me says there is about 0.04% chance of, even if they were real, it having anything to do with aliens.  The first logical conclusion would be that it’s some kind of new technology from right here on Earth.

But even if that’s the case, and the lights were made right here on Earth, who’s to say when they were made on Earth?  Maybe all these UFO sightings and mysterious lights are not confirmation of the existance of aliens, but rather confirmation of time travelers.

A common argument against time travel is that, if it were some day possible, we’d be seeing people from the future right now, all around us.  There are two counter-arguments:  1) we, as a species, don’t make it that far and die off before we figure out how to do it, or 2) we are being visited, but they stay out of the way to avoid all the time paradoxes that can crop up (altering history, etc.)

Really, why else would they look so similar to us?  Given the complexity of life and how it evolves, and every single minute detail that effects how we grow to adapt to our environment, the chances of beings on another planet evolving with two legs, two arms, two eyes, a nose, and a mouth is slim.  You could obviously bring God into the equation, but I don’t have enough knowledge to speak about that.

Anyway, what I’m trying to say is that if true aliens visited us, they’d look nothing like us, because they did not evolve on Earth.  So if one day they do show up and look kind of like us, it means either we are their distant ancestors and they have something to do with us being here on this planet, or that’s what we’ll look like in 10,000 years and our ancestors are coming back to pay us a visit.

Oh, that’s just my great-great-great-great-great-to-the-345th-power grandson.

So anyway, Signs is totally going to be my first Blu-ray purchase, and I’ve decided with my bonus tax rebate I’m going to do exactly what the government intended for people to do and go out and “stimulate” the economy with the purchase of a Playstation 3.  Not for playing games, mind you, but for playing Blu-ray discs.  Two reasons, really, but number one, it is the best investment.  DVD players purchased 6 or 7 years ago were hundreds of dollars, and are now selling for $20.  PS2’s, however, were purchased years ago for $300 dollars and are still going for over a hundred in most places.  And 2) hey, maybe some day I’ll play games on it.

Anyway, when I get Signs on Blu-ray everyone can come over and we can have a big alien extravaganza and eat alien shaped cake and watch the Brazilian party scene over and over.  (Scariest part about that scene:  when the camera is showing the garage, the alien is right there, in the trees, and you can see him if you look closely enough.  In hi-def, that’s gonna be just stellar.)

Steller, I say.

Subscribe to this blog's RSS feed

1.) Childhood’s End

I’m on a roll with books this year. I’ve been going through an average of 1 a week for the past, erm, week. So that’s a roll. Anyway, Childhood’s End was recommended to me (and the entire internet community, I’m not special) by one of my favorite writers, Peter David, after Arthur C. Clark died a few weeks ago. He said it was the book that influenced him the most as a child, so I picked it up. The basic premise is kick-ass: humans are not alone in the universe, and are, in fact, a lesser species. Aliens arrive one day in big ships and basically say “we own you.” They’re not evil, just bigger and better. They actually set us on the right track: no war, no famine, world peace, etc. Then, you’re left to wonder if the so-called Overlord’s interests will always mean the best for humanity.

It interested me because the concept was actually an idea I had for a story once (sigh). My premise was that God was a member of this cosmic race of higher beings, and he was the owner of this region of space, and his mythology has been passed down in our society as the creator. And for the past thousand years or so he’s been relatively quiet. Then, a new alien shows up and says that God sold us to him and he’s not like the quiet and gentle God, but something else and he’s going to use the planet for something other than human life, and, well, it’s a story about humanity’s survival at the hands of the aliens, which is nothing new, which is why it’s not written. That, and I’m lazy.

Anyway, Childhood’s End is not really like that, but it’s still a decent story. It’s divided into three shorter “stories” and I thought it would have been great if it had been just the first and third stories. It’s a short book as is, but still seemed to drag. It’s that classic 50’s style sci-fi, which is retro-cool but still hard to read sometimes, with a multitude of interchangeable characters and dated dialog.

So, the story ends up being about (spoiler warning!) the Overlords, who look exactly like the Devil, and are here to guide us in our evolution into higher beings. The story briefly touches on the “Golden Age,” after their arrival and before the evolution, during the time when because of their presense, there was world peace. It implies that because of world peace and Utopia, humanity gets bored and things like art aren’t really around any more.

2.) Confederate States of America

TiVo’d this bad boy from earlier in the week.  It’s a faux-documentary made in 2004 that centers around the idea, “what would have happened if the south won the Civil War?”

Basically, slavery would have not been abolished and therefore still legal and accepted all over the country, and the entire country would have taken on a… well, cowboy attitude.

Some parts were genuinely disturbing, such as the fake commercials throughout the show for places like “Coon Chicken Inn!” and “NiggerHair Cigarettes.” Then there was the electronic shackle that tracked your slave via wireless signals, and the fact that America allied with Hitler and Nazi Germany during WWII, because we liked the idea of establishing a superior race once and for all. Left me with a sour feeling in my stomach, because that kind of stuff could very well have happened.

The rest, I’m unsure about, mainly because I don’t know enough about actual history to comment.  I am a shame.

3.) Alien vs. Predator: Requiem

I wonder if the creators of movies like this every really think they are creating something worthwhile. The only reason I wanted to see this is because I never get enough of the Alien imagry, but even that was kind of dull in this movie. Some scenes, in fact, reminded me exactly of previous Alien movies, specifically Aliens (2) when the marines take on a swarm of them, and Alien 3 when Ripley is pressed against the cabinet, her head turned away as the alien is right there in her face, staring her down.

The movie was bad, and even played with what’s been established about the Alien’s biology. Specifically, it takes at least hours for the egg to hatch after it’s implanted in someone’s chest, if not a few days. This time around, about 30 second after the “face-hugger” lays one in you, it pops right out of you. “Hey ya’ll. I’mma eat’cha.” And then, 30 minutes later, it’s full size. I’m okay with taking liberties, but this felt like exploitation.

Then again, I’m a nerd.

But! One aspect they didn’t play with was the alien’s method of evolving, which I always found really cool. Basically, the alien needs a host to grow in because it analyzes the DNA of the host, taking on certain survival attributes to be better equipped to handle it’s environment. For example: those who hatch from humans have two legs and two arms. Those that hatch from dogs run on four legs, etc. So when it hatched from a Predator, it took on certain attributes of the Predator.  Neat-o.

Also, the entire movie was too dark, and even with the TV’s brightness all the way up, I barely saw half the movie. I wonder if they did this because it was scary. I was not scared.

The only cool scene was at the end (spoiler warning!). This movie took place in an American city, and because of how contagious the alien infestation is, the government decided to just nuke the whole city. So they drop the bomb, and that’s it.

The ironic thing is that seeing the alien and predator get nuked was kind of sad.

But it also explained why “The Company” in the alien films wanted to get their hands on an alien. They had footage of what they’re capable of, and wanted one for their bio-weapons division. And, like in the last film how we met Weyland, we meet Yutani at the end of this one. Weyland-Yutani: “The Fucking Company.”

Continue Reading...

I’ve got it figured.

I’ve had two separate folks tell me there have been strangers around these parts the last couple nights.

Can’t tell what they look like, ’cause they’re staying the shadows… covert-like.  Nobody’s been hurt, mind you.  And that’s the giveaway.

It’s called probing.  It’s a military procedure.  You send out a reconnaissance group, very small, to check things out.  Not to engage, but to evaluate the situation… evaluate the level of danger.  Make sure things are all clear.

Clear for what?

For the rest of them.

Releases in June, 2008.

First person to buy me this gets a dollar.  Never mind that I don’t have a Blu-ray player.  YET.

Swing away, Merrill.  Merrill, swing away.

Continue Reading...

Toward the end of October 2007, the WGA went on strike and refused to write any new material for television or movies until they were able to be paid fairly for their work as it was seen on the internet. The strike was expected to be wrapped up quickly, but when Thanksgiving came and went, most hope was lost, especially after the AMPTP refused to come back to the negotiating table. Studios and networks started breaking the news that shows like Heroes, Lost, and Battlestar Galactica probably wouldn’t be able to finish their seasons. Heroes wrapped up already, Lost is back but with only 8 of 16 episodes scheduled, and the remaining 10 episodes of the entire Battlestar Galactica series are up in the air.

As much as I want a complete Lost season and a satisfying resolution to one of the best shows on television (Battlestar), I would gladly give both up so that the WGA could get a fair deal. I would have never complained, even if the strike took 5 years. Why? For one, because what they were asking for was completely reasonable and shocking that it wasn’t already being provided, and two, because someday, I still hope to be a part of the WGA.

The good news is that the strike may finally be over.

LOS ANGELES — Informal talks between representatives of Hollywood’s writers and production companies eliminated the major roadblocks to a new contract, opening the prospect of a tentative agreement between the parties as early as next week, according to people who were briefed on the situation but requested anonymity because they were not authorized to speak.

A deal would end a crippling writers strike that is now entering its fourth month.

To read more, follow this link.

*****

EDIT 2 DAYS LATER:  Don’t read too much into this.  Apparently the AMPTP sent out a bunch of press releases saying “the end is almost near,” in an effort to weaken the picket lines and public support.  It almost worked, because I, too, thought that the end was near.  It’s not.  Read here and here.  Just because the two sides are talking doesn’t mean they are any closer to signing a contract.

Continue Reading...

Depending on who is portraying him, the Joker is arguably one of the scariest villains in the comic world. Part of what makes him scary is the idea that he’s just as crazy as Batman himself, expect Batman channels his craziness into something positive whereas the Joker is a mess of hate and… well… something I can’t comprehend because I’ve sat here for 10 minutes trying to think of a word.

Bottom line: Jack Nicholson’s version was always a let down to me because no matter who I talked to their opinion always seemed to be that Nicholson got it right. Because of that, I kind of always thought nobody would ever touch the Joker again, and since Nicholson apparently was so great, that’s how everybody would see the Joker from that point on. I’m glad the new movies are being bold enough to step out of Nicholson’s shadow, and I’m really looking forward to Heath Ledger’s version who looks a little crazier.

One aspect of the Joker that I also like is his side-kick introduced in the animated series. Harleen Quinzel is a doctor at Arkham Asylym where the Joker is locked up, and (this is how good the Joker is with other people’s minds), she goes crazy working with him. She takes on his gimmick and calls herself Harley Quinn.

I never really thought about it until all this press about Mary Kate Olsen’s relationship with Heath Ledger, but I got to thinking she might make a pretty good Harley Quinn. It would be a stretch and a true test of her ability but, if executed correctly, would define her as an individual and give her some credibility that one of those sisters needs to make it now that they are no longer considered child actors.

“Hey, hey, Mistah J…” 

I don’t know, I’m just the idea guy.

Do you think that particular casting move would be taken seriously? What would the hype be like, do you think? Harley Quinn hasn’t been seen on live-action screen yet, so, who do you think would give a good portrayal?

*****

Slightly off-topic, but: here is a video someone made using the audio for The Dark Knight trailer and footage from the old 60s Batman show.

Continue Reading...

… is not the sequel to Batman Begins or even Star Trek, but rather, this:

Wall-E

It is impossible for me not to smile when I hear him say “Whaaaaaa-haaaal, eeeeeee.”

WALL-E is the story of the last little robot on Earth, whose programming was to help clean up. Through consumerism, rampant, unchecked consumerism, the Earth was covered with trash. And to clean up, everyone had to leave Earth and set in place millions of these little robots that went around to clean up the trash and make Earth habitable again.

Well, the cleanup program failed with the exception of this one little robot and he’s left on Earth doing his duty all alone. But it’s not a story about science fiction. It’s a love story, because, you see, WALL·E falls in love with EVE, a robot from a probe that comes down to check on Earth […]

Sounds good to me!

I love stories about someone finding that their true purpose in life was not, just as they knew all along, something they’ve been doing their whole life. (Add robots to the mix, and I blow one big excited gasket). Like John Locke from Lost, who was a box salesman for the longest time before crash landing and becoming one of the island’s most respected leaders, the tag line for Wall-E is…

It’s okay, little guy… someone’s coming for you.

Continue Reading...