The Phoenix Lights 2008
I’d be remiss in my… personality?… if I did not say something about the lights seen over Phoenix yesterday evening.
I did not know about them until this afternoon, while quickly grabbing a bite to eat at my work’s food court. I caught a glimpse of a news report on the TV, with the text on the bottom of the screen: “Mysterious Lights Appear Over Phoenix, Arizona.” It was on CNN, under the banner “BREAKING NEWS!” so for an instant I thought it was actually legitimate breaking news and it was on all the channels just like in Signs.
I made in my pants.
Of course, it ended up not being on all the channels and the news reporters were laughing and making jokes, but for an instant I found out what my reaction would be if something like this really did happen. The strange thing was that I felt no fear, which is ironic because I’m terrified of alien imagery. But my inital reaction was just “yes, finally.” It was telling, because even if they came to destroy us all, I knew the world would change and we’d finally have an answer to whether or not we’re alone in the universe.
The thing is, if aliens really did visit us, what are the chances it would happen EXACTLY like it does in the movies? Or EXACTLY like it does in the urban legends? That is to say, what are the chances that four mysterious lights would appear in the sky, followed by a bunch more strange lights appearing over other major cities? It’s too sci-fi to actually happen that way. Then again, maybe it’s part of sci-fi in our culture because it has happened that way, or we know in some deep down level of our psyche that it will someday happen that way. We can’t be sure.
I’ll sound all conspiracy theorist-like by saying that maybe this was real, and the reason it’s not getting more coverage is because our government is covering it up. I don’t believe that, but then again would not be surprised. But why cover it up? I have to believe if they came out and said, “yes, those are definitely aliens,” there would be mass panic, suicide, and then lawsuits. More importantly, the American public would be unpredictable, and the economy might tank as people shut themselves away in their homes.
I’m sure the lights were really just prank flares or even weather related, and the rational part of me says there is about 0.04% chance of, even if they were real, it having anything to do with aliens. The first logical conclusion would be that it’s some kind of new technology from right here on Earth.
But even if that’s the case, and the lights were made right here on Earth, who’s to say when they were made on Earth? Maybe all these UFO sightings and mysterious lights are not confirmation of the existance of aliens, but rather confirmation of time travelers.
A common argument against time travel is that, if it were some day possible, we’d be seeing people from the future right now, all around us. There are two counter-arguments: 1) we, as a species, don’t make it that far and die off before we figure out how to do it, or 2) we are being visited, but they stay out of the way to avoid all the time paradoxes that can crop up (altering history, etc.)
Really, why else would they look so similar to us? Given the complexity of life and how it evolves, and every single minute detail that effects how we grow to adapt to our environment, the chances of beings on another planet evolving with two legs, two arms, two eyes, a nose, and a mouth is slim. You could obviously bring God into the equation, but I don’t have enough knowledge to speak about that.
Anyway, what I’m trying to say is that if true aliens visited us, they’d look nothing like us, because they did not evolve on Earth. So if one day they do show up and look kind of like us, it means either we are their distant ancestors and they have something to do with us being here on this planet, or that’s what we’ll look like in 10,000 years and our ancestors are coming back to pay us a visit.
Oh, that’s just my great-great-great-great-great-to-the-345th-power grandson.
So anyway, Signs is totally going to be my first Blu-ray purchase, and I’ve decided with my bonus tax rebate I’m going to do exactly what the government intended for people to do and go out and “stimulate” the economy with the purchase of a Playstation 3. Not for playing games, mind you, but for playing Blu-ray discs. Two reasons, really, but number one, it is the best investment. DVD players purchased 6 or 7 years ago were hundreds of dollars, and are now selling for $20. PS2’s, however, were purchased years ago for $300 dollars and are still going for over a hundred in most places. And 2) hey, maybe some day I’ll play games on it.
Anyway, when I get Signs on Blu-ray everyone can come over and we can have a big alien extravaganza and eat alien shaped cake and watch the Brazilian party scene over and over. (Scariest part about that scene: when the camera is showing the garage, the alien is right there, in the trees, and you can see him if you look closely enough. In hi-def, that’s gonna be just stellar.)
Steller, I say.
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Office Talk
“Office speak” has always interested me. It’s annoying, for one, and two, unlike a real sentence, it actually makes less sense the more you think about it. Here is the first paragraph of a statement today about Blockbuster trying to buy out Circuit City.
Blockbuster noted the combination of the two companies would result in an $18 billion global retail enterprise uniquely positioned to capitalize on the growing convergence of media content and electronic devices. The transaction would allow both companies to benefit from the revenue growth generated by their complementary products, while the resulting synergies would substantially improve consolidated financial performance, thereby increasing shareholder value.
There is no doubt jobs out there, somewhere, where all you do is translate things from layman to office-speak. For example, the above paragraph probably came to the editor’s desk as follows:
Blockbuster thought that if they merged with Circuit City, they’d be worth 18 million, and together be in a nice position to sell all kinds of content for today’s customers. The merger would be great for both sides, because customers would only have to go to one spot and therefore would be more willing to spend money. That means STRAIGHT CASH AND TITTIES, HOMIES.
I would like to have this job. I feel that my unique experience as an idea-to-text expressionist has enabled me to move forward and capitalize on a position which would benefit any forward-thinking progressive organization. Bringing me aboard for this cutting edge synergism of thought and action would result in substantially improved consolidated performance, and would no doubt increase shareholder value. It’s a win-win. Put some pants on it and CC me on that email.
Science Fiction
It’s a slow week with nothing much to talk about. I am in the middle of a great book called “Mammoth” by John Varley, and have a few work related tasks keeping me busy. I’m working on a story that is, for once, coming along nicely. Saturday was my birthday, and even though I turned 25 for some reason my auto insurance rates didn’t go down. That, or my insurance guy is a moron, which could very well be true. Also, I’m learning the guitar since Katy bought me one for my bee-day.
Other than that, I was thinking about science fiction the other day, and what exactly makes it science fiction. For example, stories about aliens are automatically science fiction because life forms other than those on Earth are both scientific in nature and fictional, since they (to our knowledge) do not exist. But on the day that aliens arrive on Earth, are we going to have a mass re-categorizing of all alien-visitor related science fiction to just fiction? I don’t think so. It would be too expensive. For that reason alone, we’ll never make contact with aliens and we’ll never invent time machines. Evil robots remain a possibility since the first thing on their agenda is always annihilating everything with nuclear weapons, thereby destroying all of the fiction anyway.
Anyway, I do not have a point. But Arthur C. Clark died last week, and that means people will automatically like his books more. Case in point, I bought one of his books thanks to a memorial article recapping his work. I was also reminded of the story, “The Nine Billion Names of God,” which I read in 2003 and remember, almost word for word (okay, paragraph by paragraph), which is huge considering I forget nearly everything.
Read it here. (It’s short, I promise, and like biscuits and gravy, will stick with you).
Also, if you are a sci-fi fan like myself, you sometimes lose sight of how awesome (as in awe, not “duuuude”) the universe really is. It’s hard to believe that stuff like this actually exists out there:
Aunt Chester
There are certain things about the society we live in that INFURIATE ME.
Many things, really. Many, many things. Too many to list. One of which is double-standards. Here’s an article I found today while browsing the interweb:
COED Magazine >>> Hot for Teacher: 18 Sexiest Sex Offenders
See? INFURIATED. If you don’t want to click the link, it’s about the 18 “sexiest” female sex offenders, teachers who have had sexual relationships with underage students.
Eh, I’m all for the freedom of expression and speech. I have no problem that this particular article was written. Even if I disagree with something to the point that my blood boils, I will never say “that shouldn’t have been written.” My problem is with the society that generates the need for articles like this. A society that condemns male sexual offenders but apparently actually idolizes female ones.
To prove a point, I was going to write a spoof article about that very thing, but figured I have better things to do… like watch Lost tonight.
But here we are ladies… c’mon! Where were THESE guys when YOU were in school, huh??
Those lucky girls!!
Sorry to make a post about this kind of stuff, the intent was to keep topics on this blog more light hearted, but sexuality and sex crimes, and our stupid ass culture, have always interested me.
What do you think?
“The Moment of Truth”
Have you heard of this show? I saw a commercial for it a few weeks ago, and I thought the gimmick was pretty ridiculous. It’s a game show where they supposedly hook you up to a lie-detector and ask you a bunch of personal questions. Answer them truthfully, they give you cash. Answer one wrong, they take away the cash — all while your friends and family sit on the sidelines.
The commercial I saw had a guy hooked up to the machine, and the host asked, “Would you have sex with another woman if you were absolutely sure your wife would never find out?”
He hesitated… they cut to the wife (who looked sick to her stomach) and then… “Coming soon!”
I have not watched it, and will not watch it, because it’s stuff like that that gives television a bad name. I’d talk about it more, but Dr. Laura already said it better than I can. She compares it to the recent movie “Untraceable,” where a killer posts live videos of his victims as they’re being killed, torturing and killing them faster when more people log on. The symbolism is kind of obvious: ratings for these types of shows = death. Death of a person, death of a soul, death of a society… take your pick.
We really need our writers back.
The Writer’s Stike May Be Over
Toward the end of October 2007, the WGA went on strike and refused to write any new material for television or movies until they were able to be paid fairly for their work as it was seen on the internet. The strike was expected to be wrapped up quickly, but when Thanksgiving came and went, most hope was lost, especially after the AMPTP refused to come back to the negotiating table. Studios and networks started breaking the news that shows like Heroes, Lost, and Battlestar Galactica probably wouldn’t be able to finish their seasons. Heroes wrapped up already, Lost is back but with only 8 of 16 episodes scheduled, and the remaining 10 episodes of the entire Battlestar Galactica series are up in the air.
As much as I want a complete Lost season and a satisfying resolution to one of the best shows on television (Battlestar), I would gladly give both up so that the WGA could get a fair deal. I would have never complained, even if the strike took 5 years. Why? For one, because what they were asking for was completely reasonable and shocking that it wasn’t already being provided, and two, because someday, I still hope to be a part of the WGA.
The good news is that the strike may finally be over.
LOS ANGELES — Informal talks between representatives of Hollywood’s writers and production companies eliminated the major roadblocks to a new contract, opening the prospect of a tentative agreement between the parties as early as next week, according to people who were briefed on the situation but requested anonymity because they were not authorized to speak.
A deal would end a crippling writers strike that is now entering its fourth month.
To read more, follow this link.
*****
EDIT 2 DAYS LATER: Don’t read too much into this. Apparently the AMPTP sent out a bunch of press releases saying “the end is almost near,” in an effort to weaken the picket lines and public support. It almost worked, because I, too, thought that the end was near. It’s not. Read here and here. Just because the two sides are talking doesn’t mean they are any closer to signing a contract.
